BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!
Rome - White smoke has been seen pouring from the chimney atop the Sistine Chapel signaling a new Pope has been elected by the College of Cardinals. An audible gasp was heard, quickly followed by loud ovations, as the Cardinals announced that US President Barak Obama is the new Pope. Upon hearing the news, the President said, "I am humbled." While admitting he is not even Catholic, Obama said, "Heck yes I accept" adding later that he would not be changing his name because he thought the practice is "stupid." This marks the first time a sitting US President has been selected Pope.
BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!
Beverly Hills - Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts, and Sciences President Sid Ganis has announced that US President Barak Obama has won the Oscar for Best Actor, Best Costume, Best Director, Best Writer, Best Screenplay, and Best Picture. The unprecedented announcement brought an audible gasp followed by wild applause from the assembled press. Upon hearing the news the President said, "I am humbled." While admitting he wasn't even in a movie during 2009 Obama said, "Heck yes I accept." He later quipped that he hoped he would also get one of those gift bags that are handed out to participants. "I heard they are filled with some great stuff," the President stated with a laugh. Nominations for the awards close in January 2010. The Academy Awards will be broadcast on March 7, 2010.
BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!
Cooperstown - Major League Baseball has announced that US Presdent Barak Obama has been named the 2009 World Series Most Valuable Player. The announcement brought a loud gasp from the assembled sports writers followed by wild cheering. Upon hearing the news the President said, "I am humbled." He added that even though he prefers basketball over baseball he would indeed accept the award. Predictably right wing agitators noted that the timing of the announcement was suspect. One was overheard saying he couldn't understand how anybody could win Series MVP when the World Series has not been played yet. "For crying out loud the playoffs just started," he noted with obvious disgust. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi released a statement saying that it was "unfortunate that some Americans would seek to diminish the latest accomplishment of our President when the entire country is facing an uncertain future."
BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!
Washington - The US Supreme Court has ruled that President Barak Obama has prevailed in the Florida recount and therefore wins the 2000 Presidential election. Developing...